my chaos garden

I’m leaning into the delight of not-planning.

A place for all of us that have no clue what we planted, no rhyme or reasoning as to our planting layouts. For all those who never labeled their seedlings or just never thought to look at a marker when we picked our plants up. For every chaotic gardener out there. This is the place for us.

—From the Chaos Gardeners Facebook group

Farming for three seasons taught me that there is a reason for everything in the field. From planting crops in uniform rows, weeding before you can even see the weeds, drip vs. overhead watering — everything is optimized for efficiency and profit.

When I first started my own home garden, it was hard to scale the methods used on a five acre farm down to a 100 square foot space. I could barely get started before I thought I was "doing it wrong." I quickly gave up.

After two unsuccessful years of home gardening, one of my goals for this year has been to garden for a full season. Being determined, I started seeds in February by taping an LED light onto one of my shelves. I used a plastic storage bin as a makeshift greenhouse. After weeks of babying my seedlings, I was able to transplant them — cabbages, broccoli, and green onions — early and proudly into the soil.

Then, I decided to move.

Moving created an awkward disruption to my gardening goals. I had to leave behind the first bed I planted, and adapt started seeds for a new space. I thought all of this would keep me from my goal — but it’s only made it all more exciting. In just two weeks, I started new seeds in my greenhouse; put down two small raised beds and filled them with soil; planted chamomile, lavender, rosemary, chives; trimmed my overabundant hydrangeas; started taking down ground cover that was growing up the greenhouse.

It’s also been chaotic. I direct sowed flower seeds next to the hedges (nasturtium, California poppy, and calendula) and then “marked” the “row” with a cucumber plant, which is slowly growing next to a magnolia tree. Are these companion plants? Probably not, but we'll see what happens!

I didn't mark my seedlings, so I couldn't tell cabbage from broccoli. Then, I mistakenly planted down the broccoli during a heat wave and watched them die. I then mistakenly planted down cucumber (after I had hardened them off) in a very sunny, South-facing spot and they almost died. They are alive but slow growing.

Encountering the Chaos Gardeners Facebook group helped me embrace the messiness of my efforts. I feel a sense of joy, witnessing other people's celebration of chaos and disorder. In the group, posters describe their garden as “survival of the fittest.” They applaud squirrels who eat their plants, and express disappointment at partners who accidentally mow down their wildflower patches. One poster asked if this place was right for them, even though they planted in uneven lines and couldn't keep up with a gardening schedule. A flock of commenters affirmed they were in the right place.

I think the concept of chaos gardening is helping me practice self compassion; allowing me to take missteps and move forward with a desire to try again. It's also allowing me to recognize that what I'm trying to yield is not efficiency or profit, but instead playfulness, experimentation, curiosity.

I love experiencing my own natural rhythms as they respond to what emerges in my garden. I’m leaning into the delight of not-planning. Instead of harping on what could be, I'm just following an instinct to keep on going.

Blue in the garden by some chamomile and (small) broccoli (or cabbage) plants.

What's been keeping me somewhat sane: Usually, I end with a few items that I've been enjoying and want to recommend. Today, I want to share my reluctance for sending out this newsletter given the global, national, and local upheaval that is taking place. What keeps me sharing is a hope or a desire that what I write connects with someone. Connection is what I think will bring us through challenging times. What has been keeping me sane is landing in a new city where queerness, mutual aid, and bike lanes are abound. I recently made burritos with the Burrito Brigade, an organization that has been serving free burritos to the community for the past 11 years. They’re now raising money to move to a permanent location. I hope you might support them.